Stir Crazy

So... Two posts ago, you know how I was so excited about having nothing to do for a solid year? Yea, I'm over that...and it's only been one complete week. I am just not cut out for down time. I think everyone needs a little time off now & then... time to catch up on sleep and just relax for awhile. However, considering my "vacation" doesn't end, it's actually having the reverse effect on me. I'm actually kind of starting to feel useless & depressed. I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous. Why would anyone complain about free time?!? Only me, my friend...only me. However, I have always been the type of person who will whine your ear off about how busy & tired I am...but deep inside, I'm enjoying every bit of it. Working toward something & accomplishing things is what makes me thrive. In fact, I am happiest when I have a to-do list, and I can check things off. How bizarre, right? Now, if I made a to-do list, it would go something like this:

1. shower (optional)

2. watch two discs of Entourage

3. go to the gym

4. watch three discs of Entourage

5. Feed Fish

6. watch one disc of Entourage

7. Bed

Like, how Sad is that?? Therefore, I think I need a hobby. Sometime that I can work towards....but I'm just not sure what that can be. I wish my hobby could be traveling.... but that requires mucho money, and I'm not in the best position to be blowing that right now. Especially considering I just dropped no less than $500 on applicaion fees. So, here I am.... back to square one. My hobby should be staying at the gym for loooooong periods of time, but that just sounds like zero fun. I know I should be happy and enjoy my time off for I will definitely wish I had it later... blah, blah, blah. For now, though, I'm going CrAzY.

Blog Makeover

First off, let me start off by saying that computers DO NOT like me. Sure, I can facebook and twitter and sometimes, when I'm lucky, I can even compose a few emails. Beyond that, though, NO WAY. When I have to get into settings and networks and all that crazy mumbo jumbo, I'm lost. As you may can tell, my blog has shown that. I clicked and googled enough to figure out how to put a background up for the first couple of months but that was about as good as it got...until my dear ol' friend Valerie came along :). She recently started a blog and hers looked all fancy schmancy so I thought, who better than her to teach me? So, like the good friend that she is...she took like 2 hours out of her night to help get my blog all beautified. I felt so bad too because tonight her significant other had come to hang out with her, and the entire time he was here, she was helping me with this. Backgrounds, headers, colors, fonts, pictures...you know, the important things in life. Well, now I hope to post more because I have such a lovely backdrop to compose my words on. bwaha. So, if you are reading this...Thank you Valerie!!!

Endless Summer

Long time, no see!

My life has been kind of a whirlwind the past few weeks what with taking & passing the OAT (barely...but I did it!) and running around everywhere getting together transcripts & rec letters & writing essays and personal statements....whew! My brain has definitely been going full force lately. This afternoon I am submitting my application to several schools. I'm just so exicited and consumed with the idea that in a year's time, I could be living somewhere totally different than where I am now. I have lived my entire life in west tennessee, and I would LOVE to experience somewhere else for awhile. In the meantime, I am off for the next year without a single plan or agenda except for working four days a week. I know that I am not going to know what to do with myself. It's going to be sooo nice to read all the books & watch all the movies I've always meant to get around to. AND if anyone out there is bored, do not hesitate to call because I will obviously have no excuses to turn down a night out! Needless to say, I am pumped about my time off to clear my head and give my brain a little rest. Endless summer here I come.... :):)

Basketcase No More!

Sometimes, every now and then, I'll read the last post that I wrote and think about how it's crazy what a little time can do, even a week. The last time I wrote that I was in such a horrible place mentally and emotionally, but now I am happy to report that I am moving forward! I forgot what amazing friends and family and God that I have and sometimes you need something like this to remind you why. My life has been so busy the last few days studying like crazy for the OAT. The test is the day after tomorrow! yikes! I literally cannot wait to take it. Even if I do bad, I will know that I still prepared the best I could for it and that's really all that I can do at this point.... I'm just so ready for it to be OVER so that I can get on with the fun things in life...like celebrating my best friend and roommate's engagement! I thought that after recently breaking up with someone that I would be kind of bitter and/or jealous of seeing others all lovey dovey but it really is the opposite. I am so happy for them and can't wait to start all of the planning!

What really brought me out of my bad mood slump officially was going to church this past Sunday at Highpoint. I absolutely love this place and I felt like what was being said was meant for me to hear. The main verse was from 1 Peter 5:7 ..."Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you." In summary, it was all about how everything will be alright in due time. There are always going to be times when you are struggling and suffering. Life will not be easy or painless. But it is in these times that God will restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. This just really hit a nerve with me because I have been so enveloped in self pity lately that I haven't really thought about why I am doing this to myself. Well, this was the moment that I came out of "the funk." I am truly blessed in so many areas of my life, and I always neglect to realize that. At that point, I decided that I was not going to focus any longer on what I don't have as opposed to what I do have, and I honestly feel a thousand times better. :) :) Keep me in your prayers this week as I take my big test!

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I'm going through a super sucky phase in my life right now. One of those where you don't feel like yourself & nothing seems to be looking up. Of all times for this to possibly happen, Patrick (the boyfriend) & I ended things two nights ago. I suppose, in a way, it was a long time coming. The fact that we weren't fitting together perfectly has been on my mind for like 8 months now. However, every time that I tried to get up the strength to say something, the words literally wouldn't come out. Like I would tell myself when we get home tonight you have to say something or when this commercial comes on you have to say something. And I never could. Something would always stop me because I would reason with myself that the thought of being without him was worse than being with him. I realize as I type this that that was selfish of me. And obviously the fact that I wasn't 100% into it was apparent...you can't fake things day in and day out. I started being more quick to get angry and more quiet and closed off. I could tell I was and as much as I tried to change my attitude I just couldn't. Well, I guess Wednesday night was the last straw and it all boiled over. I, in true fashion lately, became overly dramatic and began to question everything about our relationship. After a few minutes of me being whiny and needy sounding, I asked if there was a future at all, and he more or less said no. As soon as he said it, I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. Even though the whole goal of me having this outburst was for him to answer the question like that, I still wasn't ready for how I felt. As soon as I walked out, I started crying and I don't think I stopped for the next 8 hours. I know that this decision was probably for the best because something wasn't working somewhere. I just wish there was some secret remedy to get over it. He was such a HUGE part of my life and I am having serious troubles coping with this. While there was next to no romance/passion there anymore, he was without a doubt my best friend this past year and a half and I lost that. The past two days I have on numerous times picked up the phone to text him something about my day and then realize that I shouldn't do that... and sadly enough, there is not a minute that goes by that I don't think of something that I want to do but now can't. I wish that I had realized that night that it was the end. This is so corny and cheesy but I wish that I would have paid attention more to the last time we kissed/hugged. Lately, I've just blown both off like it was nothing. I even got all emotional when I realized that I won't have his dang dog jump on me and lick me to death anymore. Then I think about all the places or restaurants that I wanted to try with him and never did. Or TV shows will come on that we watched together (ahem scrubs) and I can't even watch them. I know, I know...I'm a pathetic basketcase. And it takes a lot of pride for me to admit that because I want so bad to be the one in the relationship who is fine and moves on to bigger and better things right away. As I've heard 97 times, "it just takes time." Well, I suppose that I will just plaster a smile on my face and go on. This is the only time that you will hear me rant about this because I cannot keep dwelling on this...I know that. It's not healthy and will just make me a wreck. Therefore, here's to looking forward. Here's to hoping that I pass the OAT, get into a great school in a great city, and everything falls into place exactly like it's meant to be.... that's what I'm praying anyway.

Just call me Ms. No Life

Once again, I have slacked on my blogging skills. There's really noting to catch up on though because I have only been doing one thing: STUDYING.

It consumes me day in and day out and it is basically all that I think about nowadays. I take the OAT on August 4th and I'm trying to cram my brain full of every equation and reaction that I possibly can. Needless to say, at 12:00 pm on August 4th I will either be one VERY HAPPY girl or one very depressed one. I just have so much riding on this test that I can't think about it or it freaks me out. Therefore, I don't think. I just study. You can just call me hermit for another 3 weeks. Hopefully, life will get a little more exciting after all this.

Let Freedom Ring

Happy 4th of July Weekend!

I'm a HUGE holiday person. As in, if I'm not observing the holiday that is to be celebrated, then I feel that something is wrong. That's why I am slightly depressed that I have no 4th plans. I want to be magically transported to the lake or to the beach where I can sit with my butt in the sand as I watch fireworks shoot up over the water. Is that just too much to ask?! I suppose so because here I am in Memphis with absolutely no plans. Sad Day. Maybe I will illegally buy myself some fireworks and shoot them off, eh? I kind of have a slight obsession with fireworks. They enchant me. Give me a sparkler or sit me in front of a firework show and I am mesmerized.... which is odd because I am terrified of fire. hmmm. Life's mysteries. Anywho, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA! :)