Monday, November 1, 2010

"don't you worry 'bout a thing"

I've been doing a lot of soul searching the last few days. It all started last weekend when I was at my parent's house. I went to church with them, and towards the end of the service, one of the women that I know in the church went forward to talk with the preacher. This woman was a student teacher in my 5th grade class... I always admired her because of her upbeat attitude. Well, after the invitation was over, it was announced that she had just found out that she had leukemia and would be seeking treatment over the coming weeks. I can't describe what came over me at this time. At first, I was just in shock... Even though I'm not extrememly close with this person, it still hits home. This is a wonderful teacher with a toddler and a baby at home... Why should this be happening to her? Then, I took note of how she was acting. Not once throughout the "im so sorry" or "we're praying for you" well wishes did she lose control of her emotions. She looked so positive the entire time, smiling and thanking everyone. I even saw her at the local Mexican restaurant after church just eating and hanging out with her family. I was just in awe. Most people, including myself, would be so overcome with sorrow about this horrible turn of events that they would wallow in self pity at home... at least for a little while. Yet, here she was carrying on her day to day tasks like all was right in the world. Now, I'm not so naive as to think that she hasn't mourned this in any way. Regardless, though, you can tell that she is not going to let this ruin her life... or even her day.

Thinking about this made me feel ashamed at the way I lead my life. I'm a huge worry wort. I over analyze everything, and, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm kind of a pessimist. What's awful is that I have absolutely no reason to be. I have the most supportive family, loyal friends, a great job, the ability to pursue my career dreams... I am literally overwhelmed with the amount of blessings that have been bestowed upon me. Therefore, I have been trying to make a conscious effort lately to stop, take a few minutes out of my day, and thank God for all that he has given me. I was reading my Bible this morning and came upon this verse: "If you make the Most High your dwelling then no harm will befall you." It's an amazing thought - to know that someone constantly has their hand upon you. There is always a bigger plan for your life than you see. I need to learn to turn everything in my life over to God, even the little things. That's something I want to change in my life... I want to be more carefree. So, I'm working on it. In the meantime, take some time out of your day and say a little prayer for the strong, amazing woman that will probably never know just how much she inspired me.

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