Friday, December 17, 2010

Crazy Work Stories

If you are wondering where the crazies were today, wonder no longer... they were at my place of employment. I had multiple situations today that left me with no words. As in, I kind of sat in stunned silence for awhile and pondered how people could possibly be that nutso.

Scenario One:

Phone Rings. A very apparent ghetto-licious woman is on the other line. After trying to piece together her half-English, half-jibber language, I finally figure out that "I be try-in to make a appointment fur nex Saterdey" means "I am trying to schedule an appointment for next Saturday, please." Upon looking at the calendar, I notice that next Saturday happens to be Christmas Day. Thinking that maybe she just didn't realize this fact, I gently reminded her that next Saturday is, in fact, Christmas, and that we would not be open that day. Long story short, this lovely lady begins to tell me that she works a considerable amount, and Christmas is the only day that she has off next week. Shouldn't we be able to work around this so that she may get her eyes examined? As intriguing as the idea is to skip the holidays with my family in order to ensure that Ms. ChristmasisJustAnotherDay sees 20/20 for the new year, I decided to pass.

Scenario Two:

First off, let me defend myself by saying that I am not one of those people who so ignorantly proclaim, "If you are in America, you gotta speak English. We ain't trying to learn Spanish or Chinese or something. You gotta learn English." I believe America is founded on that whole freedom concept for a reason, and while I admit it would be very nice if we all spoke the same language, this is simply not the case. BUT, that's another post entirely. To sum up, please do not think that I am poking fun at the following situation or read deeper into this than how it was intended. It was none other than an amusing part of my day.

Again, phone rings. An Asian woman is on the other line. From this point on, she will be referred to as Person A and I as Person B.

A: "Yes. I try to make appointment for Monday."
B: "I'm sorry ma'am... the first appointment we have next week is actually on Wednesday."
A: "No Monday?"
B. "No, no Monday appointments."
A. "Tuesday?"
B. "No, the first thing we have next week is on Wednesday."
A. "No Tuesday afternoon?"
B. "No, ma'am"
A. "I can't have Monday o Tuesday?"

........... and this goes on for another 5-6 minutes. In case you were curious, she has an appointment on Wednesday.

Scenario Three:

Oh, I saved the best for last! This morning, I had the pleasure of meeting pure testosterone in human form. That's right, ladies and gentleman, what can only be described as Chuck Norris' long lost brother graced me with his presence today. The man comes in and begins to explain to me what he is there for. It is apparent that something is very wrong with his eye. It is very red and bloody. After listening to his story, I learn that he had made a trip to the emergency room because of a piece of metal that had been lodged in the white part of his eye. They had then referred him out to an optometrist. After asking him all the necessary questions, I come to the last one on the list: "And how long has the piece of metal been in there, Sir?" To which he replied: "Five Days." Five Days. Five Freakin' Days. I guess I looked a little shocked by his answer because he quickly defended himself with "Ma'am, I'm a man. A real man's man. I'm hard headed and don't nothing get in the way of me and my deer hunting." Ohhhhh, okkkkk. I then entertained myself for the rest of the day with various Chuck Norris jokes that could be extracted from the situation. Because don't you know... Chuck Norris laughs at the idea of metal in his eye. Chuck Norris is physically unable to be physically unable.

Nothing like a little comical relief to get you through the work day. Here's hoping tomorrow is a little more sane, though!

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