Friday, June 25, 2010

crazy lady = me

warning: depressing thoughts ahead. So, I've been thinking a WHOLE lot recently about life, death, heaven, sickness, etc. For some reason, over the last few months I have turned into quite the hypochondriac and I'm not even kidding. In fact, I just googled hypochondriac and I literally have all of the symptoms: the fear that minor bodily symptoms may indicate a serious illness, requiring constant reassurance that you are healthy, and repeatedly researching medical conditions on the internet. check, check, and oh yes check. It all started back in January when I got an abnormal report back from the lady doctor for showing abnormal cells.... and then it all went downhill. I have never been like this in my entire fact, I was one of those kids who would ignore feeling sickly until my mother absolutely made me go to the doctor. Now, if I think about all the potential diseases and statistics for getting them, I actually start freaking out. In fact, it has gotten so bad that I can't even watch House or read medical articles in fear that I will have a genuine panic attack. The sad thing is I recognize that this is going on and that I sound absolutely absurd, but I still think them anyway in the back of my mind. I'm really, really hoping that I snap out of this soon & begin to count my blessings that I have been this healthy so far in my life. I just have to preoccupy myself or I get caught up in thinking how I could ever have the strength to deal with the situation if something ever did happen to me, my parents, or family & friends. AND then I feel bad for thinking this because I should be trusting God because he already has a plan laid out for me. SO see..... this is how messed up I have been lately. I need to get a grip....and hope that this scaredy cat phase passes SOON. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

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